The Bandit Poll, Week 4

The Bandit Poll is starting to take shape, and is starting to get a little bit farther from the AP Poll each week.  I would also like to point out that it has been way more on target than the AP Poll so far, like not ranking Oklahoma State, because they are clowns.

1. Alabama - Alabama is in danger of leaving the Bandit Poll and becoming the #33 NFL team.

2.  West Virginia - I think West Virginia is good to the last drop.  Who in the Big 12 is going to stop them? Nobody, that's who.

3.  LSU - the only team with a real shot at Alabama in the regular season, and I am still not sold on Mettenberger.

4.  Oregon - probably be the best PAC team.

5.  Stanford - might be the best PAC team.

6.  FSU - I have to admit the Wake win was impressive, but it was still Wake.  If they dominate Clemson that way, I will pay attention.

7.  Ohio State - after the Michigan State debacle I think they proved themselves the best Big 10 team, which is being the tallest midget.

8.  Florida - do I like the way Florida is developing more than UGA and USCe? Yes I do.

9.  South Carolina - Steve Spurrier's squad has looked fine so far, but not impressive enough for the top 5.

10.  Notre Dame - ND is in my top 10, the Mayans were right.

The Bandit Poll, Week 3

Another week, another Bandit Poll, preferred by 4 out of 5 dentist.  Before we start let me drop a little Haiku for the Oklahoma State fan who said I was an idiot for not ranking his team.  

Okie State Blew It

You Look Like A Big Clown

No Be A Clown.

1. Alabama - Alabama fans chill, don't be ridiculous about a shutout, unless you just want to look like Yankee fans.

2. Oregon - still quaking.

3. WVU - still mountianing?

4. USC - Matt Barkley is a boy dog.

5. LSU - because I got high.

The Bandit Poll, Week 2

The Bandit Poll is like the AP Poll but not stupid, and I am the only vote.  Also, there is no week one Bandit Poll because ranking teams before you see them play is ridiculous.  The teams in the Bandit Poll will have much larger shifts week to week than teams in the AP Poll. I won't base where I put them each week on where they were last week, because that is moronic.  A win in the Bandit Poll is not just a win, how you win and against who matters.  Basically the Bandit Poll is everything the AP Poll wishes it could be.

1.  Alabama - Alabama crushed Michigan and is the only top 5 team to really challenge itself in week 1.


2.  Oregon - The Oregon offense looks as good as USC and they have the added bonus of a real live defense.


3.  WVU - WVU is the best team in the Big 12, sorry Sooners.


4.  Nebraska - No I didn't think Michigan State almost losing to a down Boise was impressive.


5.  LSU - LSU is good, how good is yet to be seen, they have one of the weakest schedules in the SEC this year.

CFB Rooting Interest, Week 1

This is where I tell you who I will be rooting for each week.  I won't call you an idiot if you don't root for the same teams, my last name isn't Brando. (Unless he proposes before you read this.)

Spending time with his family.

Early Game: Miami University (Ohio) at Ohio State 11a.m. on BTN

Yeah, so Miami University (Ohio)* probably has no chance, but I would still love to see Urbie totally doink his first home game as Ohio State head coach.

*Thanks to @BourbonWarfare for correcting me on the name of his Alma Mater. I always appreciate folks helping me to not look like a giraffe with a head injury.

Lying With Numbers, Spring Game Attendance Report

I love this so much, particularly that Arizona's 
spring football game is held in a baseball
stadium.

Two things happen every spring: 1. Universities hold their annual spring game, giving football fans a blissful respite in the desert of the off season. 2. Universities turn into politicians and make crazy exaggerated lies about attendance at the spring game. Why do universities feel the need to lie about something so completely trivial? Universities are places of higher education and learning, but they are also hubris machines. Universities today seem to spend as much time on their image as they do on education. Nothing brings out this twisted reality like the spring football game.

Spring game attendance doesn't mean much in the way of anything serious, but it can be a good indicator of fan support. Especially when you compare this year's attendance to last year's attendance. So here are the official numbers, the likely lies, and last years numbers for comparison. Included are all the usually SEC teams and some notable extras.

Some teams haven't played yet, this article will be updated as further spring games are completed. Also, don't confuse laughing at the exaggerations of universities as actually thinking spring game numbers matter.


Covered Games:  Alabama, Auburn, LSU, South Carolina, Michigan, Clemson, Georgia, Mizzou, Pitt, Purdue, USC, Texas and FSU.

Offseason Oddsmakers

It's the offseason and when the inevitable boredom leads you to watch an NBA game without Jeremy Lin in it, you know it's gone to far. Don't worry though, we have the solution for your offseason blues. It is way to early to start making predictions about next season with any hope of accuracy. (that will not stop ESPN from doing so anyway) But we can make some bets about the offseason.  I won't tell you which bets I would take, you will have to choose for yourself, we don't want that kind of play at our blackjack table.




Nick Saban will make a media member cry during a press conference. We are only a few press conferences into the spring and all ready Saban has been belittling and shaming reporters left and right. In fact rumor has it that Saban is going to be installing a hot coal walking pit to determine if reporters are manly enough to ask him a question. ODDS 6:1

Bret Bielema Gives A List of Grievances to Jim Delany

Bret Bielema is very upset that Urban Meyer stole two players out of his recruiting class.  Of course when you only have a dozen players in your class everyone is very important.  I do find if humorous though that Bielema, the king of running up the score on MAC teams, wants to preach about being classy.  Bielema says he is going to speak to Big 10 commissioner, and world champion staring contest winner, Jim Delany about the awful Urban Meyer. Bielema says there was a gentleman's agreement in the Big 10 and they don't want to become the SEC.  Don't worry Bielema I don't see you winning any big games anytime soon. However, not many folks know Bielema isn't just upset about the recruit stealing, he has a whole list of grievances.  These two pages were found stuffed in Jim Delany's mailbox:

Click on the pages to enlarge.

Big 10 Billboard Wars

Well here we go again with Universities and their billboards.  I guess after seeing the wild success of the SEC billboards the Big 10 thought they needed to get their message out there.  It's understandable you want to put a cap on the message of your school right before signing day:

Click the billboards to make them larger.

Iowa wants everyone to know they aren't a second banana.

Ohio State BMV Report Does NOT Clear Ohio State in Cargate

Brutus is a picture of innocence.

Today the Ohio State Bureau of Motor Vehicles released a report stating that all the car purchases made by players and their families seem to be appropriate.  To be clear though, the investigation only looked at the records of the dealership on car purchases.  The records of course would not contain any information about memorabilia traded or given as additional compensation.  Would a dealership really record that they got a signed jersey in thier books? Of course they wouldn't.

The report does not comment on, or investigate, the practice of loaning cars to student athletes.  Lets not forget that Terrelle Pryor was pulled over in 3 different brand new cars while at Ohio State.  Each time he was pulled over he just happened to be driving a loaner while his car was in the shop.  That is one heck of a coincidence.

Homer Hill #004

Every Conversation With an Ohio State Fan

My first cartoon on this site was Every Conversation with an Auburn fan.  So here, finally, is the squeal: Every Conversation With an Ohio State Fan.