The Bandit Poll, Week 3

Another week, another Bandit Poll, preferred by 4 out of 5 dentist.  Before we start let me drop a little Haiku for the Oklahoma State fan who said I was an idiot for not ranking his team.  

Okie State Blew It

You Look Like A Big Clown

No Be A Clown.

1. Alabama - Alabama fans chill, don't be ridiculous about a shutout, unless you just want to look like Yankee fans.

2. Oregon - still quaking.

3. WVU - still mountianing?

4. USC - Matt Barkley is a boy dog.

5. LSU - because I got high.

Fun Things To Say To Michigan Fans

The Michigan vs. Alabama game on Saturday night is going to be a tight game ... at least until kickoff.  Michigan fans, and Big 10 fans in general, are getting very chippy on the Twitterbook and the MyGoogle, which is surprising considering the last few years.  So for those of you venturing into Dallas this weekend, I have written a few phrases that may come in handy. 

10. I drive a Honda.

9.  The Red Wings are my favorite NBA team too.

8.  Matthew Stafford never lived up to the hype in the SEC either.

7.  Michael Moore is from your state.

Lying With Numbers, Spring Game Attendance Report

I love this so much, particularly that Arizona's 
spring football game is held in a baseball
stadium.

Two things happen every spring: 1. Universities hold their annual spring game, giving football fans a blissful respite in the desert of the off season. 2. Universities turn into politicians and make crazy exaggerated lies about attendance at the spring game. Why do universities feel the need to lie about something so completely trivial? Universities are places of higher education and learning, but they are also hubris machines. Universities today seem to spend as much time on their image as they do on education. Nothing brings out this twisted reality like the spring football game.

Spring game attendance doesn't mean much in the way of anything serious, but it can be a good indicator of fan support. Especially when you compare this year's attendance to last year's attendance. So here are the official numbers, the likely lies, and last years numbers for comparison. Included are all the usually SEC teams and some notable extras.

Some teams haven't played yet, this article will be updated as further spring games are completed. Also, don't confuse laughing at the exaggerations of universities as actually thinking spring game numbers matter.


Covered Games:  Alabama, Auburn, LSU, South Carolina, Michigan, Clemson, Georgia, Mizzou, Pitt, Purdue, USC, Texas and FSU.

The Chuck Neinas Big 12 Are You Selfish Flowchart

Chuck Neinas the new Big 12 commissioner has big shoes to fill.  It's not just anyone that can live up to Dan Beebe, but Chuck loves a challenge.  Neinas got off to a great start today when he was quoted in an interview saying Mizzou was selfish for leaving the Big 12.  Nevermind that it was Texas being selfish that started the whole mess, Chuck Neinas is a man who deals in black and white.  This flow chart will allow you to see what Chuck Neinas thinks of you:

Click the chart to enlarge.

Puppies Respond to the Worst Tweets of the Week

Sometimes only a puppy picture will do. Click the photos to make them larger!

Dennis Dodd of CBS is well known for his inability to understand which team will win in football games.  He wrote an article today detailing what would happen if there were a playoff system in college football.  In this tweet he is going back in time and predicting who would have won each BCS championship had there been a playoff.

His basis for why the SEC, specifically Alabama, would get upset in a playoff is that you can never tell what will happen.  So his argument for making predictions is that you can never know what would happen? Yeah.

He also believes apparently that Nick Saban the best coach currently coaching in college football.  (don't even try to argue he's not) would not have won any championships if it was a playoff system.  Right.

If only we had a playoff, USC and Miami would win every year, unicorns would be real, and there would be world peace.

Every Conversation With A Florida Fan

The Florida Gators have suffered some bad losses the lat couple of weeks.  But the Florida fan base hasn't taken it lying down, no they have taken it with a level of whining and complaining usually reserved for Texas fans.  So the "Every Conversation" series continues with "Every Conversation With a Florida Fan."










Chomp. Chomp. Chomp.


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College Football On Notice Board , Week 6

Weekend 6 is upon us as we head into the middle of the college football season.  I can hardly believe that we have already flown through almost half of our season.  If you had your choice: slow down how fast your kids grow up or how fast football season passes? Which would you choose, be honest now, Jesus is watching. Let's look at the board:

1. The State of Florida - The Florida Gators head to Baton Rouge to face the mighty defense and luck of the LSU Tigers.  Florida is without their senior quarterback John Brantley, who is recovering from having his ankle Alabamaed to death.  After the loss, the Florida fan base quickly revealed themselves to be the whiniest bunch of babies this side of the Mississippi.  A second week of devastating loss and the state of Florida may sink into the ocean from the extra weight of all the B.S. being dropped by Florida fans.  If Florida wins it is because they are good, if another team wins it is because they cheat and are on steroids.

2. Garcia's AA Sponsor - Supposedly Stephen Garcia stopped drinking because Steve Spurrier gave him another chance.  What will happen to him now that he has been benched?   Careful that isn't Gatoraid in that water bottle.

3. Tyler Wilson's Arm - Tyler Wilson threw for over 1500 yards so far this year.  How many yards do you think he can throw for against the fairylike fearsome Auburn pass defense?  I bet he can at least double his total.

4. People Who See "Real Steel" - If you saw this trailer and thought "yeah, I wanna see that" you deserve to have 10 bucks stolen from you.

5. Clemson - Clemson you have been doing so well, you are the kings of the ACC! (for what that is worth)  But you are playing a 1-4 Boston College team this weekend, and this is exactly the kind of game that you love to loose.  It wouldn't be Clemson if they didn't pull a Clemson.

6. The Raped East - The ACC has taken a few teams and now your new bell cow TCU has jumped ship.  It looks like dark times for the never really all that mighty Big East.  Isn't this exactly the kind of stuff Baylor was gonna sue the SEC over?  It's just an ide, that would serve Baylor right.

7. Teams Named After Musicals - It's time for the Red River Rivalry between Texas and Oklahoma.  Everyone and their brother can't stop slobbering over the team named after a fabulous Broadway musical.  Don't rule out Texas though, they are angry at being the butt of everyone's joke all year for the totally ridiculous and not actually seen by viewers Longhorn Network.  They also have a chip on their shoulder as Texas has been relatively ignored by the press and the public compared to other years.  As for Oklahoma I hardly believe beating 3-2 FSU has prepared them for Texas.  Careful boys you are in upset country.

8. Bi-polar Georgia Fans - Just to be clear ALL Georgia fans are bi-polar.  We lost to Boise, boo we are horrible.  We beat Ole Miss, YEA we are awesome! Aww we lost to Tennessee is coming soon.


Want to put me on notice? Do it on the Tweetbook.


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Bandit Cartoon: Baylor vs. Reality

Baylor is fighting for the Big 12.  Even though the Big 12 is dead, at this point it's not CPR anymore so much as it's defiling a body. Baylor is threatening legal action to stop Texas A&M from leaving the Big 12.  Ken Starr (yep, that one) President of Baylor has a plan, and he wants to share his vision with you:

Bandit Cartoon: Texas A&M and the Big 12 Have "The Break Up Talk"

Because breaking up is hard to do ...




It's not you, It's me.



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Every Conversation With a Texas Fan

The most popular cartoon series in Bandit history continues.  This time we look at the logical points made by Texas fans about the Longhorn Network and the Aggies possibly leaving for the SEC.  Enjoy!

Don't miss all the other great Bandit Ref movies!

I won't every give you up.



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Texas to the Rest of the Big 12

Is Texas A&M SECeding? If So, Who Else?

The rumor mill has been hard at work this morning predicting Texas A&M will move to the SEC for the 2012 season.  I think that A&M making it for 2012 may be a bit of a stretch, but the rumors have been kicked into high gear with the Longhorn Network Deal out in the open for all to see. No reasonable person can argue that the amount of money, publicity, and positive media coverage Texas will get with the deal puts them at an incredible advantage over their counterparts in the Big 12. At this point it looks like Texas is out to do what makes the most money for Texas and everyone else be damned.

So why would Texas A&M go to the SEC? From Texas A&M's standpoint it makes sense for a variety of reasons. They would be joining the undisputed top conference in college football, the SEC has won the past six national titles. They would also be able to recruit against Texas using the SEC banner, telling recruits that they could be seen all over Texas on the Longhorn Network, or all over the nation with the SEC. It would be a step up in revenue to join the lucrative media deals of the SEC, instead of getting what scraps fall their way in the Big 12. The Aggies would be in the hunt for some great bowls and get to play LSU on a yearly basis again. It is really hard to find a reason why the Aggies wouldn't want to be in the SEC when compared to the at this point all but doomed Big 12. Do you want to play Missouri and Kansas, or Alabama and LSU?