The Bandit Poll, Week 3

Another week, another Bandit Poll, preferred by 4 out of 5 dentist.  Before we start let me drop a little Haiku for the Oklahoma State fan who said I was an idiot for not ranking his team.  

Okie State Blew It

You Look Like A Big Clown

No Be A Clown.

1. Alabama - Alabama fans chill, don't be ridiculous about a shutout, unless you just want to look like Yankee fans.

2. Oregon - still quaking.

3. WVU - still mountianing?

4. USC - Matt Barkley is a boy dog.

5. LSU - because I got high.

The Bandit Poll, Week 2

The Bandit Poll is like the AP Poll but not stupid, and I am the only vote.  Also, there is no week one Bandit Poll because ranking teams before you see them play is ridiculous.  The teams in the Bandit Poll will have much larger shifts week to week than teams in the AP Poll. I won't base where I put them each week on where they were last week, because that is moronic.  A win in the Bandit Poll is not just a win, how you win and against who matters.  Basically the Bandit Poll is everything the AP Poll wishes it could be.

1.  Alabama - Alabama crushed Michigan and is the only top 5 team to really challenge itself in week 1.


2.  Oregon - The Oregon offense looks as good as USC and they have the added bonus of a real live defense.


3.  WVU - WVU is the best team in the Big 12, sorry Sooners.


4.  Nebraska - No I didn't think Michigan State almost losing to a down Boise was impressive.


5.  LSU - LSU is good, how good is yet to be seen, they have one of the weakest schedules in the SEC this year.

Lying With Numbers, Spring Game Attendance Report

I love this so much, particularly that Arizona's 
spring football game is held in a baseball
stadium.

Two things happen every spring: 1. Universities hold their annual spring game, giving football fans a blissful respite in the desert of the off season. 2. Universities turn into politicians and make crazy exaggerated lies about attendance at the spring game. Why do universities feel the need to lie about something so completely trivial? Universities are places of higher education and learning, but they are also hubris machines. Universities today seem to spend as much time on their image as they do on education. Nothing brings out this twisted reality like the spring football game.

Spring game attendance doesn't mean much in the way of anything serious, but it can be a good indicator of fan support. Especially when you compare this year's attendance to last year's attendance. So here are the official numbers, the likely lies, and last years numbers for comparison. Included are all the usually SEC teams and some notable extras.

Some teams haven't played yet, this article will be updated as further spring games are completed. Also, don't confuse laughing at the exaggerations of universities as actually thinking spring game numbers matter.


Covered Games:  Alabama, Auburn, LSU, South Carolina, Michigan, Clemson, Georgia, Mizzou, Pitt, Purdue, USC, Texas and FSU.

Offseason Oddsmakers

It's the offseason and when the inevitable boredom leads you to watch an NBA game without Jeremy Lin in it, you know it's gone to far. Don't worry though, we have the solution for your offseason blues. It is way to early to start making predictions about next season with any hope of accuracy. (that will not stop ESPN from doing so anyway) But we can make some bets about the offseason.  I won't tell you which bets I would take, you will have to choose for yourself, we don't want that kind of play at our blackjack table.




Nick Saban will make a media member cry during a press conference. We are only a few press conferences into the spring and all ready Saban has been belittling and shaming reporters left and right. In fact rumor has it that Saban is going to be installing a hot coal walking pit to determine if reporters are manly enough to ask him a question. ODDS 6:1

Every Conversation With the Media in the Off Season

About 30 seconds after the National Championship each year the college football media begins it's traditional season of not thinking*.  These are the usual results:

*If you are a media member I obviously wrote this about your competitors, not you, you're awesome.

Puppies Respond to the Worst Tweets of the Week

Sometimes only a puppy picture will do. Click the photos to make them larger!

Dennis Dodd of CBS is well known for his inability to understand which team will win in football games.  He wrote an article today detailing what would happen if there were a playoff system in college football.  In this tweet he is going back in time and predicting who would have won each BCS championship had there been a playoff.

His basis for why the SEC, specifically Alabama, would get upset in a playoff is that you can never tell what will happen.  So his argument for making predictions is that you can never know what would happen? Yeah.

He also believes apparently that Nick Saban the best coach currently coaching in college football.  (don't even try to argue he's not) would not have won any championships if it was a playoff system.  Right.

If only we had a playoff, USC and Miami would win every year, unicorns would be real, and there would be world peace.

Offical Auburn University vs Utah State Game Excuse Flow Chart

I haven't heard much from my Auburn friends the last few days.  They seem to be hiding out and keeping a low profile.  They just don't seem to know what to say about Auburn's near miss with Utah State.  Well being the kind hearted individual that I am, I have decided to help them.  This chart should help them talk about the Auburn game Saturday in a constructive and fitting way. Click on the chart to see it full size!

I am all about helping people.



Tweet

Dirty Former Miami A.D. is Now in Charge of NCAA Infractions Committee

Paul Dee: A.D. for the U,
NCAA Chair, Pimp

You have of course read the Yahoo Sports story on Miami by now.  If you haven't get out from under your rock and go read "Renegade Miami Football Booster Spells Out Illicit Benefits to Players."  The story is an amazing chronicle of what must be the most blatant and filthy college cheating scandal of all time.   Miami is in some serious serious trouble, at least they should be.

The Miami Athletic Director during this cheating spree was a guy named Paul Dee.  Dee isn't the current A.D. at Miami however, no he has moved on to bigger and better things.  Dee is now the chairman of the NCAA committee on infractions.  Yes, that's right, the man who was A.D. during this filthy and horrible scandal is now in charge of enforcing the rules on other NCAA schools.  The man who handed down the decision on USC let players get prostitutes bought for them by boosters at Miami.  It really does put into perspective how incredibly corrupt the NCAA is doesn't it?

I guess the NCAA is functioning on the belief that the more corrupt you are, the better you would be at identifying corruption in others.  The NCAA is a joke, and it's making college football one as well.

The NCAA is starting to make Congress look trustworthy.



Tweet