The Bandit Poll, Week 3

Another week, another Bandit Poll, preferred by 4 out of 5 dentist.  Before we start let me drop a little Haiku for the Oklahoma State fan who said I was an idiot for not ranking his team.  

Okie State Blew It

You Look Like A Big Clown

No Be A Clown.

1. Alabama - Alabama fans chill, don't be ridiculous about a shutout, unless you just want to look like Yankee fans.

2. Oregon - still quaking.

3. WVU - still mountianing?

4. USC - Matt Barkley is a boy dog.

5. LSU - because I got high.

CFB Rooting Interest, Week 2

This is where I tell you who I am rooting for, feel free to do the opposite just out of spite.  All times Eastern.

Thursday Game: Pittsburgh at Cincinnati, 8PM ESPN, I guess I am rooting for Cincinnati, though I am only watching this because it is the only college football on.  Maybe if they played the Notre Dame vs. Purdue game at the same time, on the same field, I might be interested.

Friday Game: Utah at Utah State, 8PM East ESPN2, I don't have multiple wives or magic underwear so I don't really have a dog in this hunt.  I will pull for Utah State since they are the underdog.

Noon Game: Auburn at Mississippi State 12PM ESPN,  I am rooting for Mississippi State because I don't want the terrorist to win.

Afternoon Game: Western Kentucky at Alabama, 3:30PM ESPN3 SEC Network, Because I will watch any Alabama football game.

Dinner Game: Washington at LSU, 7PM ESPN, Go Huskies, though the outlook is grim.

Night Game: Georgia at Mizzou 7:45 PM ESPN 2, I think Mizzou has a real shot at winning their first SEC game.  Mark Richt will then start planning his 12th rebuilding year.  Go Zou!

Night Cap Game: Oklahoma State at Arizona 10:30 PM PAC 12 Network, Will Rich Rod get his first win at Arizona? How will Oklahoma Sate look playing a non high school level team? These questions answered and more! Go Rich Rod ... I feel dirty.

Lying With Numbers, Spring Game Attendance Report

I love this so much, particularly that Arizona's 
spring football game is held in a baseball
stadium.

Two things happen every spring: 1. Universities hold their annual spring game, giving football fans a blissful respite in the desert of the off season. 2. Universities turn into politicians and make crazy exaggerated lies about attendance at the spring game. Why do universities feel the need to lie about something so completely trivial? Universities are places of higher education and learning, but they are also hubris machines. Universities today seem to spend as much time on their image as they do on education. Nothing brings out this twisted reality like the spring football game.

Spring game attendance doesn't mean much in the way of anything serious, but it can be a good indicator of fan support. Especially when you compare this year's attendance to last year's attendance. So here are the official numbers, the likely lies, and last years numbers for comparison. Included are all the usually SEC teams and some notable extras.

Some teams haven't played yet, this article will be updated as further spring games are completed. Also, don't confuse laughing at the exaggerations of universities as actually thinking spring game numbers matter.


Covered Games:  Alabama, Auburn, LSU, South Carolina, Michigan, Clemson, Georgia, Mizzou, Pitt, Purdue, USC, Texas and FSU.

Every Conversation With the Media in the Off Season

About 30 seconds after the National Championship each year the college football media begins it's traditional season of not thinking*.  These are the usual results:

*If you are a media member I obviously wrote this about your competitors, not you, you're awesome.

SEC Billboard Wars Proliferation

Mississippi State and Ole Miss are locked in a duel to the death.  No it's not the annual Egg Bowl, that is anything but a duel.  It's a game of one-upmanship involving who can out do who with billboards.  MSU launched the first salvo, and now Ole Miss has followed suit.  Little did they know they were going to ignite a SEC billboard arms race.  Now all the SEC schools are involved, lets take a look at their efforts: (click to make images bigger)

Auburn is launching a campaign to stress the life of success a career at Auburn can lead too.

College Football On Notice Board , Week 6

Weekend 6 is upon us as we head into the middle of the college football season.  I can hardly believe that we have already flown through almost half of our season.  If you had your choice: slow down how fast your kids grow up or how fast football season passes? Which would you choose, be honest now, Jesus is watching. Let's look at the board:

1. The State of Florida - The Florida Gators head to Baton Rouge to face the mighty defense and luck of the LSU Tigers.  Florida is without their senior quarterback John Brantley, who is recovering from having his ankle Alabamaed to death.  After the loss, the Florida fan base quickly revealed themselves to be the whiniest bunch of babies this side of the Mississippi.  A second week of devastating loss and the state of Florida may sink into the ocean from the extra weight of all the B.S. being dropped by Florida fans.  If Florida wins it is because they are good, if another team wins it is because they cheat and are on steroids.

2. Garcia's AA Sponsor - Supposedly Stephen Garcia stopped drinking because Steve Spurrier gave him another chance.  What will happen to him now that he has been benched?   Careful that isn't Gatoraid in that water bottle.

3. Tyler Wilson's Arm - Tyler Wilson threw for over 1500 yards so far this year.  How many yards do you think he can throw for against the fairylike fearsome Auburn pass defense?  I bet he can at least double his total.

4. People Who See "Real Steel" - If you saw this trailer and thought "yeah, I wanna see that" you deserve to have 10 bucks stolen from you.

5. Clemson - Clemson you have been doing so well, you are the kings of the ACC! (for what that is worth)  But you are playing a 1-4 Boston College team this weekend, and this is exactly the kind of game that you love to loose.  It wouldn't be Clemson if they didn't pull a Clemson.

6. The Raped East - The ACC has taken a few teams and now your new bell cow TCU has jumped ship.  It looks like dark times for the never really all that mighty Big East.  Isn't this exactly the kind of stuff Baylor was gonna sue the SEC over?  It's just an ide, that would serve Baylor right.

7. Teams Named After Musicals - It's time for the Red River Rivalry between Texas and Oklahoma.  Everyone and their brother can't stop slobbering over the team named after a fabulous Broadway musical.  Don't rule out Texas though, they are angry at being the butt of everyone's joke all year for the totally ridiculous and not actually seen by viewers Longhorn Network.  They also have a chip on their shoulder as Texas has been relatively ignored by the press and the public compared to other years.  As for Oklahoma I hardly believe beating 3-2 FSU has prepared them for Texas.  Careful boys you are in upset country.

8. Bi-polar Georgia Fans - Just to be clear ALL Georgia fans are bi-polar.  We lost to Boise, boo we are horrible.  We beat Ole Miss, YEA we are awesome! Aww we lost to Tennessee is coming soon.


Want to put me on notice? Do it on the Tweetbook.


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Offical Auburn University vs Utah State Game Excuse Flow Chart

I haven't heard much from my Auburn friends the last few days.  They seem to be hiding out and keeping a low profile.  They just don't seem to know what to say about Auburn's near miss with Utah State.  Well being the kind hearted individual that I am, I have decided to help them.  This chart should help them talk about the Auburn game Saturday in a constructive and fitting way. Click on the chart to see it full size!

I am all about helping people.



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Week One College Football "ON NOTICE" Board

What an eventful first week of college football.   I wasn't quite right about my Utah State prediction, but I was dang close.  A lot of folks need to be put "ON NOTICE" this week to get things straight before it gets any worse.  Let's take a look at the lucky winners: 

Head the warning if you make the list.  You are hear-by officially ON NOTICE! 

Picking the Losers Week 1

You may need this Aubie.
See more at KingCrimsonCartoons.com

There are a thousand blogs picking who they think the big winners will be for each week of the college football season, so I have decided to go another direction.  Each week I will be "Picking the Losers"  for the upcoming week of football.

Week one of college football is a pretty weak meal.  But then again, we have been months without football and if we jumped right into a huge schedule of awesome our heads might explode. There are still a few games worth watching other than the traditional watch the team you are a homer of slaughter an unsuspecting cupcake. 

Buy, Sell, or Hold SEC Football 2011

Alabama - BUY - The Tide are going to be tough to beat this year, they have an incredible defense coming back,  Trent Richardson is back at running back, and they have a solid line on both sides of the ball.  Right now, they look like the team to beat in the SEC.  Of course the success of the Tide is nothing new, Nick Saban has put together a monster of a football team and we wouldn't look for them to falter anytime soon.  Anything less than a BCS game or a national championship would be a failure for a team with this much talent and this kind of coaching.

Auburn - SELL - Auburn had an outstanding year last year, but that was last year.  Arrest, accusations, and players leaving for the pros have taken a toll on this team. The Auburn football team is a shell of what it was last year.  The weakest point on this team looks to be the lines on both sides of the ball.  It really doesn't matter that Auburn seems to be trying to bring in some new hired guns in the running back and quarterback positions.  Whoever is in the backfield on offense better have their chinstrap on tight, cause that line of freshman is going to have a hard time protecting them. On top of all this Auburn has a tough schedule this year, playing most of their major games away. With Alabama, MSU, LSU, and Arkansas all looking to be great this year Auburn could be looking at the quickest fall of any reigning BCS champion in history.

A Message From Mark Richt