The Bandit Poll, Week 3

Another week, another Bandit Poll, preferred by 4 out of 5 dentist.  Before we start let me drop a little Haiku for the Oklahoma State fan who said I was an idiot for not ranking his team.  

Okie State Blew It

You Look Like A Big Clown

No Be A Clown.

1. Alabama - Alabama fans chill, don't be ridiculous about a shutout, unless you just want to look like Yankee fans.

2. Oregon - still quaking.

3. WVU - still mountianing?

4. USC - Matt Barkley is a boy dog.

5. LSU - because I got high.

The Bandit Poll, Week 2

The Bandit Poll is like the AP Poll but not stupid, and I am the only vote.  Also, there is no week one Bandit Poll because ranking teams before you see them play is ridiculous.  The teams in the Bandit Poll will have much larger shifts week to week than teams in the AP Poll. I won't base where I put them each week on where they were last week, because that is moronic.  A win in the Bandit Poll is not just a win, how you win and against who matters.  Basically the Bandit Poll is everything the AP Poll wishes it could be.

1.  Alabama - Alabama crushed Michigan and is the only top 5 team to really challenge itself in week 1.


2.  Oregon - The Oregon offense looks as good as USC and they have the added bonus of a real live defense.


3.  WVU - WVU is the best team in the Big 12, sorry Sooners.


4.  Nebraska - No I didn't think Michigan State almost losing to a down Boise was impressive.


5.  LSU - LSU is good, how good is yet to be seen, they have one of the weakest schedules in the SEC this year.

CFB Rooting Interest, Week 1

This is where I tell you who I will be rooting for each week.  I won't call you an idiot if you don't root for the same teams, my last name isn't Brando. (Unless he proposes before you read this.)

Spending time with his family.

Early Game: Miami University (Ohio) at Ohio State 11a.m. on BTN

Yeah, so Miami University (Ohio)* probably has no chance, but I would still love to see Urbie totally doink his first home game as Ohio State head coach.

*Thanks to @BourbonWarfare for correcting me on the name of his Alma Mater. I always appreciate folks helping me to not look like a giraffe with a head injury.

Robert Nkemdiche's List of Demands for Clemson

Robert Nkemdiche has publicly said that Clemson has to offer yet another one of his high school teammates a scholarship if they want to keep his commitment.  But what you haven't seen is the secret to-do list of demands Nkemdiche gave Dabo Swinney ... until now.

Click to enlarge.

Lying With Numbers, Spring Game Attendance Report

I love this so much, particularly that Arizona's 
spring football game is held in a baseball
stadium.

Two things happen every spring: 1. Universities hold their annual spring game, giving football fans a blissful respite in the desert of the off season. 2. Universities turn into politicians and make crazy exaggerated lies about attendance at the spring game. Why do universities feel the need to lie about something so completely trivial? Universities are places of higher education and learning, but they are also hubris machines. Universities today seem to spend as much time on their image as they do on education. Nothing brings out this twisted reality like the spring football game.

Spring game attendance doesn't mean much in the way of anything serious, but it can be a good indicator of fan support. Especially when you compare this year's attendance to last year's attendance. So here are the official numbers, the likely lies, and last years numbers for comparison. Included are all the usually SEC teams and some notable extras.

Some teams haven't played yet, this article will be updated as further spring games are completed. Also, don't confuse laughing at the exaggerations of universities as actually thinking spring game numbers matter.


Covered Games:  Alabama, Auburn, LSU, South Carolina, Michigan, Clemson, Georgia, Mizzou, Pitt, Purdue, USC, Texas and FSU.

College Football On Notice Board , Week 6

Weekend 6 is upon us as we head into the middle of the college football season.  I can hardly believe that we have already flown through almost half of our season.  If you had your choice: slow down how fast your kids grow up or how fast football season passes? Which would you choose, be honest now, Jesus is watching. Let's look at the board:

1. The State of Florida - The Florida Gators head to Baton Rouge to face the mighty defense and luck of the LSU Tigers.  Florida is without their senior quarterback John Brantley, who is recovering from having his ankle Alabamaed to death.  After the loss, the Florida fan base quickly revealed themselves to be the whiniest bunch of babies this side of the Mississippi.  A second week of devastating loss and the state of Florida may sink into the ocean from the extra weight of all the B.S. being dropped by Florida fans.  If Florida wins it is because they are good, if another team wins it is because they cheat and are on steroids.

2. Garcia's AA Sponsor - Supposedly Stephen Garcia stopped drinking because Steve Spurrier gave him another chance.  What will happen to him now that he has been benched?   Careful that isn't Gatoraid in that water bottle.

3. Tyler Wilson's Arm - Tyler Wilson threw for over 1500 yards so far this year.  How many yards do you think he can throw for against the fairylike fearsome Auburn pass defense?  I bet he can at least double his total.

4. People Who See "Real Steel" - If you saw this trailer and thought "yeah, I wanna see that" you deserve to have 10 bucks stolen from you.

5. Clemson - Clemson you have been doing so well, you are the kings of the ACC! (for what that is worth)  But you are playing a 1-4 Boston College team this weekend, and this is exactly the kind of game that you love to loose.  It wouldn't be Clemson if they didn't pull a Clemson.

6. The Raped East - The ACC has taken a few teams and now your new bell cow TCU has jumped ship.  It looks like dark times for the never really all that mighty Big East.  Isn't this exactly the kind of stuff Baylor was gonna sue the SEC over?  It's just an ide, that would serve Baylor right.

7. Teams Named After Musicals - It's time for the Red River Rivalry between Texas and Oklahoma.  Everyone and their brother can't stop slobbering over the team named after a fabulous Broadway musical.  Don't rule out Texas though, they are angry at being the butt of everyone's joke all year for the totally ridiculous and not actually seen by viewers Longhorn Network.  They also have a chip on their shoulder as Texas has been relatively ignored by the press and the public compared to other years.  As for Oklahoma I hardly believe beating 3-2 FSU has prepared them for Texas.  Careful boys you are in upset country.

8. Bi-polar Georgia Fans - Just to be clear ALL Georgia fans are bi-polar.  We lost to Boise, boo we are horrible.  We beat Ole Miss, YEA we are awesome! Aww we lost to Tennessee is coming soon.


Want to put me on notice? Do it on the Tweetbook.


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Is Texas A&M SECeding? If So, Who Else?

The rumor mill has been hard at work this morning predicting Texas A&M will move to the SEC for the 2012 season.  I think that A&M making it for 2012 may be a bit of a stretch, but the rumors have been kicked into high gear with the Longhorn Network Deal out in the open for all to see. No reasonable person can argue that the amount of money, publicity, and positive media coverage Texas will get with the deal puts them at an incredible advantage over their counterparts in the Big 12. At this point it looks like Texas is out to do what makes the most money for Texas and everyone else be damned.

So why would Texas A&M go to the SEC? From Texas A&M's standpoint it makes sense for a variety of reasons. They would be joining the undisputed top conference in college football, the SEC has won the past six national titles. They would also be able to recruit against Texas using the SEC banner, telling recruits that they could be seen all over Texas on the Longhorn Network, or all over the nation with the SEC. It would be a step up in revenue to join the lucrative media deals of the SEC, instead of getting what scraps fall their way in the Big 12. The Aggies would be in the hunt for some great bowls and get to play LSU on a yearly basis again. It is really hard to find a reason why the Aggies wouldn't want to be in the SEC when compared to the at this point all but doomed Big 12. Do you want to play Missouri and Kansas, or Alabama and LSU?