The Greatest Auburn Hate Mail I Have Ever Received

This is a series of emails I received from a gentleman we shall call Auburn Dale. Dale is very upset about my Gene Chizik Firing Pool and has reached out to me in a spirit of compromise and understanding. Naw, I'm just kidding, Dale is bat shit crazy and loves Auburn, the result of which is the greatest hate mail I have ever gotten. Dale is kinda my hero and my bff now.

In order to keep things PG-13 I have changed all curse words to the word: TREES

From DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To Me

YOU ARE GOING TO TREES I CANT BELIEVE THAT EVEN A BAMMER WOULD BE TREE CAN ENOUGH TO USE CANCER TO SHOW HIS HATE OF AUBURN YOUR THE KIND OF UPDIKE I HATE THE MOST YOU ARE GOING STRAIGHT TO TREE

 From Me


To DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

Yep, if not for cancer I couldn't make fun of Auburn, and guys like you.

Bandit

From DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To Me

YOU SON OF A TREE ITS NOT ABOUT AUBURN ITS ABOUT YOU BAMMERS TREATING EVERYONE ELSE LIKE TREE YOU PEOPLE ARE SCUM AND YOU ARE GOING TO TREE JESUS WILL NOT HAVE MERCY ON SICK UPDIKE LIKE YOU


From Me

To DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

I heard Jesus was a huge Auburn fan.

Love,

Bandit

From DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To Me

NOT THAT A BAMMER LIKE YOU GIVES A TREE ABOUT THE BIBLE BUT I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID YOUR USING A POOR LITTLE GIRLS CANCER TO SHOW A HATE AND THE BIBLE SAYS YOU SHOULD NOT SHOW HATE YOU NEED TO LEARN TO READ THE BIBLE YOU UPDIKE


From Me


To DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

Well I don't know much about the bible, because I am a Scientoloist.

Praise Xenu,

Bandit

From DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To Me

I SHOULD HAVE NOWN YOUD BE ONE OF THOSE GAY TREES LIKE THEM YOU ARE DEFINANTILY GOING TO TREE AND I HOPE YOU BURN YOU GAY TREES ARE WHATS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY

From Me


To DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

I acutally don't live in the USA, I live in France because I am a communist.

Your Commrade,

Bandit 

From DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To Me

I SERVED IN VIETNAM AND I HATE YOU COMMUNIST SONS OF TREES I WOULD KILL YOU I SPENT MY LIFE KEEPING SCUM LIKE YOU OUT OF THE USA AND I HOPE YOUR GAY TREE TREESS IS HAPPY IN FRANCE YOU REALLY ARE THE WORST BAMMER I HAVE EVER MET

From Me


To DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

I wasn't aware we had met.  Oh, were you the Dale that hangs out in the bars in New Orleans?  You should have said so, how are you buddy?

xoxoxox,

Bandit

From DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To Me

I AINT GAY I AM A MAN AND HAVE HAD SEVERAL WIVES BUT I NEW IT I NEW YOU WERE A GAY TREE I COULD TELL FROM THE WAY YOU SOUND TREE YOU GAY TREE



From Me


To DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

If you aren't gay you should probably stop expressing your desire to do that stuff to me.  I think I am developing feelings for you too,

yours always,

Bandit

From DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To Me

I AINT YOUR BOYFRIEND I AM THE GUY WHO IS GOING TO KICK YOUR GAY TREE TREES I HATE YOU BAMMERS AND I HOPE EVERY ONE OF YOU BURN IN TREE


From Me


To DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

So this must be what it's like to feel the love of Jesus and be in the Auburn family,

Awwww,

Bandit

From DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To Me

YOU DONT NOW NOTHING ABOUT THE AUBURN FAMILY WE ARE A FAMILY AND WE STICK TO GETHER THICK AND THIN YOU BAMMERS MAY TURN IF YOUR TEAM DOESNT WIN EVERY YEAR BUT WE STICK WITH OUR FAMILY YOU WOULDNT NOW ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOU PROBABLY DONT HAVE ANYONE WHO GIVES A TREE ABOUT YOU

From Me


To DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

I don't have a family, I was raised by wolves.

howwwwwlllllllll,

Bandit

From DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To Me

YOU PROBABLY WERE OR YOUR FAMILY IS DEAD BECAUSE YOU ARE A SON OF A TREE YOU NEED TO LEARN SOME MANNERS AND I AM STARTING TO THINK I AM THE GUY TO TEACH THEM TO YOU

From Me


To DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

Your offer of a free lesson is very generous, but I have already finished my formal education.

I be learned,

Bandit

From DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To Me

 I MEANT I AM GOING TO RIP A WHOLE IN YOUR TREE CAN TREES I AM GOING TO KILL YOU YOU SON OF A TREE YOU ARE A GAY TREE FROM FRANCE WHO DOESNT EVEN NOW JESUS I HOPE OTHER BAMMERS FIND OUT WHAT KIND OF DISGRACE YOU ARE MAKING THEM

From Me


To DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

You seem to be fixating on gay stuff, is there something you might like to get off your chest?

Your secret is safe with me,

Bandit

From DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To Me

 I AM NOT GOING TO EMAIL YOU ANYMORE BECAUSE ITS OBVIOUS YOU ARE LOST MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL BUT I WONT IF I EVER SEE YOU I AM GOING TO KILL YOU SO HELP ME GOD TREE YOU YOU GAY TREE


From Me


To DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

If you really want to meet up and settle this like men, then I will meet you at the next Auburn home game.  This is what I look like:

From DALE ********* **********@AOL.com

To Me

HA YOU AINT NOTHING BUT A GAY TREE OLD MAN I AM DOWN AND I WILL BE IN TOUCH TREE YOU